anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
