direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
