I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
