dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
