Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
