Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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