I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
