I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
