Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
