no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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