overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You are the jesus of drinking
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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