There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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