I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The power of my boobs compel you
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
