wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
