I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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