Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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