im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
