WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
