FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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