Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
