I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
