After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
