I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
