ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
