I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
