i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
