I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
