i permit you to call me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
