Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
