he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
