We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
