Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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