pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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