I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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