my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
