i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's never too late to be topless.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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