those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
well you can't waste a boner
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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