If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
