Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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