he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
