Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
