god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
