That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
