hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
