You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
