i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
