I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
