Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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