I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
