he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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