I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
