So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
